3/20

I’m always a little bit scared. And not because of what you ex girlfriend, who is still in love with you, says. It has nothing to do with her (although I do wish she’d fuck right off). I’m scared our lack of common interests will leave us with nothing to bond over. But maybe it could just leave with more to share with the other.

I’m scared you’ll grow tired from giving so much time and patience to me and get very little of me in return. I’m scared I’ll get tired of you. I was so excited and now it’s no longer exciting, it’s just nice. I mean, maybe if I hadn’t seen him two hours ago and wasn’t going to see him again tonight, I might be more excited.

And I’m a little bit scared because you keep talking about the future. You never say “our kids” or “our house” but you mention these things you want in the future in the same breath as saying you can see us together twenty years down the road. And I’m sure it’s scary for you to get no reassurance, no response, no equivalent from me back.

And every time I want to say that I think I love you, I sigh instead because I think it’s too soon or I’m not sure I’d mean it. Every time you ask “what?” and every time I say “nothing.”

Maybe I just think i love you because I think I’m supposed to love you but maybe I do or maybe I will and maybe you’ll love me back or maybe you already do or maybe we’re just kidding ourselves here.

But for now, “I’m very fond of you” is going to have to do.

 

 

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