Whenever I’m presented with a good opportunity or a positive change or, you know, exactly what I fucking want, I just can’t seem to follow through. It’s being practically handed to me and I just can’t bring myself to reach my hand out to take it. It’s not even that it’s too difficult to take or too difficult to handle after I take it, I just put it off until the window of opportunity closes.
I just keep sabotaging myself and I don’t get why I’m doing this to myself.
But I always seem to get things and do well when I don’t really care. Things worked themselves out effortlessly, seamlessly when I couldn’t care too much less. But as soon as I want something, I always manage to find some way to screw myself over.
Wanting things is bad. Apathy is the way to go.