I made of list of “JOBS I HAVE EVER WANTED AT ANY TIME IN MY LIFE” because in times of indecision, lists are what I do. And most of them are pretty typical like “gymnast” or “singer” or “doctor.” I think “ice skater” is also on there. I watched the olympics in ‘96 and ‘98 alright.
The one that came back multiple times throughout my life was “writer” [like, of fiction or something] and I always just turned away from it. I guess because I write so much [not fiction, mind you] that I’m afraid to present it in a context in which it would be judged and I would find out that I am actually terrible at it. Because, like in every other aspect of my life, I’m afraid any skill i thought i had in the area was completely fabricated and that I truly suck.
I’m also pretty sure I use a lot of words incorrectly.
I also can’t write on command.
Is it just me who thinks they suck at everything and just no one has the heart to be honest about it? I’m definitely not.
I don’t know. I’m not going to write anything and pretend like it’s good, I’m just going to flounder on the floor until I decide on something possible and not-horrible to do with myself.