All the great advice I get or I read tells me to go, to do, to stop telling myself that I can’t do something and to just go for it but I’ve been down for so long that I can’t even think of something I’ve always wanted to do but felt held back for some reason. I can’t think of any dreams I’ve been putting off until Tomorrow, y’know. I have no ambition at all. I have no motivation, I have no goals.
I want… something, I just don’t know what. Maybe what I want is suppressed under so many years of self-doubt that I can’t even see it anymore and it’s been so long since I’ve allowed myself to want it that I don’t even remember what it is now. And whenever something comes up I don’t know if it’s that deep desire I’ve been supressing or if it’s just another intense, albeit, quickly-fleeting obsession.
I overanalyze what I want and who I am so much that I don’t know what is actually my raw desires, my raw instincts, my initial and honest impressions of anything at all.